First off it's the end of January and it's foggy and 2C out (that's about 35F for you crazy imperial people).
That wouldn't be THAT shocking if it hadn't been -25C (-13F) with the windchill for a few days just last week.
This morning I also got the awesome pleasure of having a shower that involved no hot water. Because seriously, my apartment has not hot water today.
Ever tried to rinse conditioner out of your hair with cold water?
Yeah, not so easy.
|Yes, I was THIS fucking cold.|
After spending 5 minutes of being plastered to the wall on the HOPES that the water was just experiencing a random temperature spike, I came to the conclusion that this shit wasn't getting any warmer and I should probably scrub quickly before shit started to freeze.
I don't even know if I'm clean at this point but I was getting the hell out of there.
Fast forward an hour and I'm warm-er, drinking tea, listening to music and 'enjoying' a long and crowded commute on a very packed Toronto Streetcar.
When sitting in one of the seats across from where I'm standing I spot a super hot guy. OK, he wasn't SUPER hot but this is why I'm gonna put him in that category:
First, he was reading a book.
Second, that book was written by Terry Pratchett
Third, it was a library book which means this was probably not a reading anomaly.
Fourth, he gave up his seat for an older woman.
So even if he started out only kinda cute, he just got 4 bonus hotness points.
Which made me think.
My criteria for hotness has drastically changed in the last 5 years or so. 5 years ago I would have looked for tattoos and or general hotness.
Now I'm like, literate and has manners?
Sign me up.
Final on my list of STUFF today is the fact that I have the dreaded Therapy session tonight. For those of you that have been reading along, I mean THIS Therapy session. Where I deal with potentially breaking up with my Therapist.
The bottom line for tonight is going to be that, although what we've done has helped me understand WHY I feel the way I do. I want help with the next step. The getting over it step. Because honestly? Still feel pretty shitty inside and knowing why I feel that way isn't really helping me NOT feel that way.
Add on to that the fact that the rescheduling, snarky conversation that happened a few weeks ago has essentially broken whatever comfort level I had with her and suffice to say, I'm not looking forward to the conversation.
Part of me is worried that if I opt to not book another appointment with her, that she's going to try and change my mind. At the end of our sessions she tends to just tell me when I'm coming next and I've realized that I'm not OK with that. But I also don't know how I'm going to deal with it if she does push back.
Worst case scenario if she gives me a hard time is that I'll book an appointment and then break it down in an email for her. I don't want to go this route but honestly based on her attitude last time we spoke, I'm not too hopeful.
Did I mention that the whole thing has me so nervous I feel sick to my stomach?
Not good people. Not good.
Obligatory Therapy Cat Picture